(Not So) Secrets to Deeper and More Meaningful Relationships
Invest in your relationships in 2024 by putting in the effort.
Every new year brings a renewed focus on personal development. For many, that comes in the form of setting goals, which is fantastic. By the way, I believe Goals > Resolutions, because resolutions are often limiting. A goal is more about growth and ambition and intention. To me, resolutions often have a negative stigma; goals have a positive purpose and vision.
When launching new habits and heading in a new direction, it’s natural to gravitate towards common feats like getting in better shape or earning a promotion or finding a new job. These are great goals for sure, but with plenty of articles and social media promoting them, I’ll propose a different area for you to consider this year.
I encourage you to set relationship goals. Whether it be with a romantic partner, family member, friend or otherwise, I guarantee that we all have room to develop stronger bonds with the people in our lives. Relationships provide us much needed emotional nourishment.
Take Stock of Your Relationships
Before deciding what we want our relationships to be going forward, we must understand what they are in the present. Awareness is the first step in creating a foundation in which to build from.
Think of your relationships like plants: they require a level of care in order to grow. Every relationship needs attention, and it’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. For example, seeing a movie for date night with your partner is a fun way to spend a couple of hours together, but it’s not conducive to having meaningful conversations (unless you make time after the movie to process and bring any lessons home). You get out what you put in.
Ask yourself questions like:
What do I enjoy about my current relationships?
What would I like to change about my relationships?
Do I put enough effort (intentional or not) into my relationships?
How can I be a better partner/parent/child/friend this year?
Outline Realistic Goals
Goals can be whatever you want that brings value to your relationships. Quality time can be as planned or as spontaneous as you like. Here are some examples for different types of relationships to get you thinking.
Family: Get together for a meal once a week; if that’s not physically possible, have a standing FaceTime or Zoom to catch up.
Friends: Plan a group trip to the same or a new location once a year.
Partner: Explore a different neighborhood once a month; book a vacation every six months; try an activity that’s new to both of you.
There are endless possibilities and ways to connect—just be intentional and make it meaningful.
Develop A Relationship Dashboard
This might sound a little over the top, but trust me, it works.
Just like anything, we must have a system to track progress (or lack thereof) rather than guessing. As Peter Drucker says, “If you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it.”
My wife, Gertrude, and I have had a dashboard for years. We plug in date nights, intentional conversations, vacations, and more. Each activity has a standard scoring system attached. We perform a status check every month to see what our score was, gauge whether we’re hitting our benchmarks, and review the overall “health” of our relationship. We also like to use the phrase “getting clear and current” when checking in on topics - we want to be sure there aren't any unspoken hurts or resentments blocking us from being closer.
This type of dashboard may or may not work for you, but the point is, find a system that does and a way to evaluate your relationships that you can commit to.
Make Strong Connections This Year
Don’t leave out relationships when setting your annual goals. Many of us would say that relationships are the most important thing, but we spend all of our time and energy on work goals. Put thought into what you want out of your relationships, and take action toward this. Have honest conversations with the people in your life. Something as simple as more frequent check-ins is a great place to start. It’s not that hard to pick up the phone and call somebody. Relationships are two-way streets, but you can only drive your vehicle—make sure its heading in the right direction.
While we’re on the topic of New Year goals, here are some other areas in which you could perform a year-end review and put in some thought for the year ahead.
Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual well-being
Self, body, sleep, diet, exercise
Family, friends, relationships, community
Work, vacation, time off, hobbies, self care
Values, principles, purpose
*These are from my last newsletter of 2023. Sign up to get The Rich Minute delivered to your inbox each month!