Keys To Giving and Receiving Feedback Effectively
Reframe how you think about feedback on both sides for maximum impact
As humans, we are wired to be reactive. This is why when we are being presented with feedback from others or sharing feedback with someone else, our initial instinct is to almost unconsciously do so reactively.
Our DNA makes us question the information rather than ingesting it and looking for the truth in it.
Many people are uncomfortable with feedback in general, whether it's from either side. Weekly meetings, monthly recaps, or especially quarterly or yearly performance reviews—these things cause both managers and employees to lose sleep.
While there is certainly something to getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, another way to look at this topic is to reframe the entire concept of feedback.
Why wouldn’t we want to be better and improve? Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to truly see yourself in an honest way.
Feedback is a currency, as this article from SmartBrief states. This article explains how leaders can implement radical candor to give honest feedback. Let’s take a closer look at why giving and receiving feedback is so crucial for personal and professional growth and success.
What is radical candor?
“Giving brutally honest direct feedback is uncomfortable,” says Chris Cavallini, CEO of Nutrition Solutions, in the SmartBrief article. “So if someone cares enough to give it to you, you should appreciate it immensely.”
I think “toxic politeness” is a fair term for the way many organizations operate today. Unfortunately, it prevents them and their people from reaching their potential. If you’re being given what you perceive as harsh feedback, try to understand that it’s not an attack on your ego but an opportunity to grow.
The term radical candor comes from a book of the same name published in 2017. It quickly took the business leadership world by storm and is used at many top organizations today. At LYONSCG, we practiced radical candor, and I can confidently say that it was a huge part of what made us so successful. Our people treated each other with respect while being open to giving and receiving honest feedback, knowing that this would elevate the standard for the entire company.
Receiving feedback
My advice for battling our human tendencies regarding feedback is to take a breath, simply listen, and do our best to absorb the information being presented to us. Look for what’s true instead of what’s not true.
An important concept to understand here is affirmation, which is essentially getting the encouragement and nourishment we need to feel good about ourselves. When we are affirmed (by ourselves or by others), we are in a better mental place to give and receive feedback. Affirm yourself enough to fight against ego repair.
Fight against your instinct of reactively saying, “Yeah, but…” This is your mind attempting to repair your ego. We all need to take more time to process feedback.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is listen and say, “Let me think about that.”
As with many things in life, if we can reframe a concept to make it work better for us, we are in great shape. Understand that it’s a gift to get feedback from someone if you take it as caring. The feedback giver wants you to be better and to maximize your potential.
Giving feedback
The flip side of this equation is just as important. If you are tasked with providing feedback to someone, make sure you give this job the care and attention it deserves. Be prepared, do your homework, and come with valuable information.
Fight the inner urge to deliver it reactively, but don’t hold back on telling the person the truth about what they can be doing better. Share your vision for the person, what you can see them accomplishing, and give the feedback from that point of view. Focus on how to get there and share solutions to help them get there. Shift from criticism to being constructive and helpful, and provide the context needed to demonstrate what success looks like.
The best leaders are masters at navigating the perfect blend of providing honest, direct, and valuable feedback to their teams.
Life Is Sales Leadership Groups
Practicing radical candor when giving and receiving feedback is a key component of my leadership groups. This is how we help each other maximize our potential in all areas of our lives. There is a balance of tough love mixed with compassion and care so that each individual knows that the others have their best interests at heart.
Are you looking for honest feedback? Are you looking to build an Advisory Board for your life? A new group begins this Fall. Contact me to join a group with other people committed to helping you be your best and to experience positive results.
As Cavallini says: “If you want to successfully change your life, you have to raise your standards. You need to become intolerant of your current circumstances and start showing up like the person you aspire to be. When you have high standards, your life changes quickly.”
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