Consciously or unconsciously, we are intending our life. To discuss level three of the WDM, I look at the opposing forces of reactivity and assertion in ourselves.

Here’s what’s covered in this episode:

Anger and assertion

In Level 3, the regressive pole is reactivity, the progressive pole is assertion, the principle is intention, and the feeling is anger. I dive into each of their meanings and how they interact with one another.

Reactivity

Saying no and setting boundaries is important. But if you live from no, that’s not ideal or sustainable, either.

Intention 

Look at your life around you. That’s your intention. If you want it to be different, you’re the only one who can make changes. 

Look underneath your feelings

A lot of the time as a man, I felt that anger was safer than feeling hurt or comfort. I may jump to anger when I should instead pause and look within. 

Professional example

As a CEO and founder, I’ve rarely used anger with clients. In one situation, a client started yelling at both his employees and my employees. I felt afraid and hurt, but I chose to assert myself and use anger intentionally to stand up for my team and diffuse the situation.

Personal example

When my wife and I first started dating, she always had fun date ideas that I would turn down because I was afraid she was trying to trick me or get me to do something I didn’t want to do. Once I noticed this pattern and figured out what I wanted, things between us went much more smoothly.

Takeaway challenge

Notice your reactivity and if you’re using it positively to set boundaries or living in it for too long.